Rerun on the Wonderful Confession

I had intended to continue with George Quenzelbutt, the fellow from Poosah City, and how he became a practitioner of the fine art of Coercive Interrogation for the SS [Security Specialists] Department of the End Run Company.

Unfortunately, my unemployed angel in the Third Galaxy seems to be in something of a funk at the moment -- or, to put it another way, I haven't finished writing the rest of the story yet...

Instead, I will return to the bit of snark I posted a couple of days ago. Apparently, my instincts were correct in telling me there was something fishy about the confession of Mr. Khalid that was basuned from nearly every news media outlet in the world last Thursday.

The first I heard of it was on the 6 AM news on the Danish radio. After reading her script, the reader commented, "But he apparently is not responsible for global warming or the budget overrun on the new Danish Radio office building."

I didn't hear this sort of snidiness in later broadcasts and the newscasters came with no comments or analysis. In fact, they even scrounged up an "expert" in terraism somewhere who told us that Al Qube is more or less out of commission now that the Terraist Mastermind of All Time has confessed.

You should know that there seems to be a struggle going on in Danish media at the moment, in particular between the government and Danish Radio -- the national, user license paid national public radio and television.

There have been rumors that the government was quite displeased with the reporting of DR up to the invasion and occupation of Iraq. Denmark was and still is a member of the "Coalition of the Willing" and DR reported on too many of the government's lies. Supposedly, the government put pressure on DR leadership that such "mistakes" were not made in the future.

Last Friday the news broke that a minister in the government had actually written DR leadership about it and there has been something of a stink about it all weekend.

In any case, what puzzled me when I first heard about the Confession of Khalid was, "Why now?"

This particular bozo has been in our tender loving care since 2003. This is 2007 -- did he just now suddenly confess?

I thought water boarding got people to talk faster than that...

Then I thought, weren't there three bozo's captured almost at the same time? I forget their names, but the Codpiece mentioned them back in September when he recited the speech his handlers gave him celebrating Terrible Tuesday. He mentioned these guys as part of our victory and success in the Glorious War on Terraism.

Well, the word already then was that the one guy was literally nuts, crazy, bonkers, schizo.

The second guy was a real enough terraist and he gave his interrogators the real poop on all the chemical weapons Saddam had -- this was before the [illegal] invasion and was really important. The problem of course was that there were no more chemical weapons in Iraq than there were connections between Saddam and Al Qube.

The fellow told his tormentors what he thought they would like most to hear. What his evil purpose in doing this was, we can only guess -- perhaps he wanted them to stop torturing him?

In any case, this demonstrates the tremendous and real value of torture -- it is the quickest way to get bogus confessions...

But what of Mr. Khalid? He sure looks like a bad guy in the only picture we have ever seen of him the news.

Well, people who are better at picking up inconsistencies have noticed quite a few.

For example, the seventh confession this bozo made is the following:

7. I was responsible for planning, training, surveying and financing the New (or Second) Wave attacks against the following skyscrapers after 9/11:
a. Library Tower, California.
b. Sears Tower, Chicago.
c. Plaza Bank, Washington state.
d. The Empire State Building, New York City.

The PROBLEM with point "c" is that the Plaza Bank was FOUNDED in 2006 and this guy has been in custody since 2003 — that may be hard to figure, but then Mr. Khalid is a Master Terrorist!

There are a number of other oddities, he claims to have planned the Terrible Tuesday attack on the Twin Towers, but he acquired the 15 Saudis who were the "muscle" of the operation is far from clear. He claims to have been the head of operations in Europe, but knows nothing about the bombings in the London underground.

I hate to seem so cynical and snarky, but it is not my fault that the Codpiece administration has long since lost any claim to the veracity of what they say or that one must assume that their agenda in what they do has any real connection to what they say about why they are doing it.