When the news that Ahsawyah ben-Lately was dead, drowned, so to speak in a very, very wet operation - peace broke out like the popping of champagne bottles all over the Third Galaxy, especially of course in the United State of Arrogance.
Actually, what broke out was more like an aggravated rash, a rash of stupidity.
Of course, Bulimo Charisma, having personally ordered Operation "Kick Ass" enjoyed an immense rush of popularity. Bulimo had accomplished what Ronald Rexona had failed to do with wars in Farawaystan and Wud-a-wreck, costing thousands of dead Arrogant soldiers, millions of innocent Masher civilians and last, but not least, gibbery godzillions of good Arrogant dollars?
Less than a week after Ahsawyah's body had been dumped somewhere in the deep sea in a lead-box upgrade on the Mob's famous concrete boot, the Bankers of Illusion discovered that the Great War on Terra was not only not over but only now begun. Everyone, for the security of our our way of life and especially our freedom must continue to be very very afraid. More so now then before, anyone questioning the loss of habeas corpus and other civil rights to privacy and free-speech was showing a least a lack of pariotism or, even worse, treason.
Talking heads began to bobble and babble that that those who had protested Rexona's use of torture were lily-livered wimps: "Had not torture led to the snuff job on Ahsawyah?" Well, no, actually it had delayed finding the notorious terraist - and that by years. However, in the Third Galaxy, facts are abhorrent when they conflict in any way with the web spun by the Bankers of Illusion and that poor world wobbled closer towards the Terrible Times of global catastrophe and total endless war.
Showing posts with label Snark. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Snark. Show all posts
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Why the World Did Not End on May 21
Many people were surprised when the world did not end on May 21 as predicted by Trash Camping. With 60 million listeners to his syndicated radio program, how he be could be wrong?
True, his earlier prediction years before had failed to bear fruit, but Trash Camping had explained that the reason for his earlier failure was due to the fact that he had not yet learned the intricacies of long division. That, and the fact that he had not understood some of the more difficult words in the Book of the Holy Idaho, i.e., words of three syllables or more.
To be fair, Trash had not predicted the end of the world - he had predicted the Great Rupture. This is the event where the skies open and the Holy Idaho reaches down and snatches all his chosen ones up to live with Him in the Colender in the Sky. From there they would have a real fine view of what would then happen on that poor world, which is that some really Class A shit would hit the fan followed by the actual end of the world six months later.
As we know, the Rupture did not take place and therefore the End Itself was apparently also postponed, that is if it had ever been on the agenda of the Great Potato.
The explanation was amazingly simple. And again, to be fair, how was Trash Camping and his listeners to know that the day before the Rupture, May 20, was Great Prayer Day in the Happy Little Kingdom of Denmark. True, most of the Danes use this holiday for a chance to have a long week and party a lot more than pray - still, it was enough to put a monkey wrench in Trash Camping's calculations.
On the other hand, it is quite possible that the Great Potato never reads the Book attributed to His authorship, let alone know anything about the calculations of fart-brains like Trash Camping and his ilk.
Yeah, that's a better explanation!
True, his earlier prediction years before had failed to bear fruit, but Trash Camping had explained that the reason for his earlier failure was due to the fact that he had not yet learned the intricacies of long division. That, and the fact that he had not understood some of the more difficult words in the Book of the Holy Idaho, i.e., words of three syllables or more.
To be fair, Trash had not predicted the end of the world - he had predicted the Great Rupture. This is the event where the skies open and the Holy Idaho reaches down and snatches all his chosen ones up to live with Him in the Colender in the Sky. From there they would have a real fine view of what would then happen on that poor world, which is that some really Class A shit would hit the fan followed by the actual end of the world six months later.
As we know, the Rupture did not take place and therefore the End Itself was apparently also postponed, that is if it had ever been on the agenda of the Great Potato.
The explanation was amazingly simple. And again, to be fair, how was Trash Camping and his listeners to know that the day before the Rupture, May 20, was Great Prayer Day in the Happy Little Kingdom of Denmark. True, most of the Danes use this holiday for a chance to have a long week and party a lot more than pray - still, it was enough to put a monkey wrench in Trash Camping's calculations.
On the other hand, it is quite possible that the Great Potato never reads the Book attributed to His authorship, let alone know anything about the calculations of fart-brains like Trash Camping and his ilk.
Yeah, that's a better explanation!
Friday, February 20, 2009
They Suck
Indeed they do, suck, literally, the banks.
When signing the "Stimulus" bill, Bulimo Charisma said that the thing wasn't perfect and he wasn't just whistling dixie, not that I'd ever expect him to whistle "Dixie".
A minuscule part of the "Stimulus" is $40 billion to help the states defray unemployment costs.
This is necessary, because, the final brainfart of the outgoing Codpiece administration was to give hundreds upon hundreds of billions to the mega-banks so that they could give billions in bonuses to their top management for greeding them into the financial collapse which got them the billions of tax payer dollars with which they were intended to help struggling businesses and people in trouble with their loans and mortgages.
The mega-banks smiled and put the money in their back pocket, to keep their butts warm -- the upshot is that the collapse of the economy continued unabated, in fact was exacerbated and the unemployment curves took a nose dive worthy of a WWII Stuka dive bomber.
That is why the 40 billion in unemployment was a necessity. The banks of course smiled once again and cut a deal with the states so the states could save money -- those receiving unemployment are given plastic cards and the banks charge them money to withdraw their money.
When the unemployed call the bank to ask about these fees they are docked with a fee for calling the bank.
Until the money for the unemployed is actually paid to the recipients, it sits in the banks and draws interest -- which goes, no, not to the unemployed but to the banks.
That dear hearts is how the banks are helping stimulate themselves, I mean the economy.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
A Tale of a Scarlet Letter...
[Dear hearts, be thankful that you don't live in the Third Galaxy -- a tale like I am about to tell could never happen in our saner and happier world:]
The Quadrennial Horse Race was taking the final turn and the contestants were getting ready for the home stretch.
A sweet young thing she was -- a twenty year old coed working as a volunteer for the Mad Cain campaign. On her way out to her car in the dark she was accosted by a black man who took offense at the "Mad Cain for Prez" bumper sticker and brutalized her!
The dark monster beat her up, forced her to the ground and, although he didn't rape her like one would normally expect a black man to do to a young white woman he had in his power, this beast did something really nasty, saying that he was "Gonna teach ya a lesson, bitch!" He carved the letter "B" on her face with a sharp instrument.
"That 'B' stands for 'Bulimo', bitch!" was his parting comment to the poor girl. That wasn't quite what she told the police, but it was pretty much what the local Mad Cain campaign manager told the newspaper and media reporters who gobbled the story up.
Unfortunately, the police noticed that the Scarlet Letter was carved in mirror image. Since they figured that a black man wouldn't be able to figure out how to carve a letter while looking in a mirror, they politely asked the young lady if she had not done it herself. She quickly admitted that indeed she had made the story up from out of thin air.
This was the comment of an anonymous blogger in the Third Galaxy:
The Quadrennial Horse Race was taking the final turn and the contestants were getting ready for the home stretch.
A sweet young thing she was -- a twenty year old coed working as a volunteer for the Mad Cain campaign. On her way out to her car in the dark she was accosted by a black man who took offense at the "Mad Cain for Prez" bumper sticker and brutalized her!
The dark monster beat her up, forced her to the ground and, although he didn't rape her like one would normally expect a black man to do to a young white woman he had in his power, this beast did something really nasty, saying that he was "Gonna teach ya a lesson, bitch!" He carved the letter "B" on her face with a sharp instrument.
"That 'B' stands for 'Bulimo', bitch!" was his parting comment to the poor girl. That wasn't quite what she told the police, but it was pretty much what the local Mad Cain campaign manager told the newspaper and media reporters who gobbled the story up.
Unfortunately, the police noticed that the Scarlet Letter was carved in mirror image. Since they figured that a black man wouldn't be able to figure out how to carve a letter while looking in a mirror, they politely asked the young lady if she had not done it herself. She quickly admitted that indeed she had made the story up from out of thin air.
This was the comment of an anonymous blogger in the Third Galaxy:
This incident ought to go into the you-can't-make-shit-like-this up category. And yet, something here disturbs my paranoia...
First of all, I assume the thought has crossed minds that Joe the Plumber and the lady who said Bulimo Charisma was a Masher terraist at Mad Cain campaign event were some kind of plants.
Joe the Plumber was a media flash in the pan who complained that Bulimo's tax plan would mean that he wouldn't be to buy a plumbing business and make a quarter million dollars. Unfortunately, it turned out that Joe was not a plumber, had never been licensed as a plumber and, in fact, had never been apprenticed to learning the trade. Furthermore he was in little danger of ever making a quarter million since the company he couldn't legally buy and run anyway only had receipts of a quarter million, that is before, expenses and wages to workers.
I find myself momentarily thinking that there is something more fishy here then the Tale of the Scarlet Letter being false.
I remember the three who were busted for plotting to whack Bulimo at the convention and then were released. I am aware of several other stories and can only assume there are others who have managed to stay below the radar.
Actually, it were better if these were plots and conspiracies -- what is far more likely is that these "loose cannons", are only acting out what racist campaign memes inspire them to do.
I must have eaten too much pumpkin pie yesterday, but I can't shake the feeling that something really ugly is going to happen somewhere down the line.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Regarding Paulson's Heroic Vision
A book I read in high school, had one dodgey character, a surgeon, who is cutting on this patient and he happens to cut the wrong thing and massive bleeding ensues. So, he throws in some tampons and sews him up real quick and has him hustled him out of the operating theatre on a gurney. The patient dies 30 minutes later in his bed -- but not on the operating table -- a clear cut case of the operation was a success but the patient died.
I figure that is what this "bailout" is really about -- to fend off a crisis for at three months so that it won't be the dodgey surgeon's "fault".
IF, there is then no meltdown, which is what many economists seem to think, but "just" a real bad and deep recession and people lose their jobs, homes and cars -- well, that will be, sigh, the new administration's fault. However, it was the Heroic Vision of Paulson and the Repugnants which saved the country from total collapse. "Sorry, folks," the Repugnants will then say, "but that's what you get for electing a bunch of Dumrats and an off-color prez!!!"
Friday, September 12, 2008
I Didn't Do It...
I didn't do it!
It really, really cost me, but I didn't do it!
I didn't talk, blog, write, snide or snark about The Day That Changed Everything -- heck, I didn't even observe a moment of silent prayer for the "almost three thousand who died that day..."
As a matter of fact, it has long puzzled me, along with a few other things like how the concept / meme of "Homeland Security" and the legal monster misnamed the PATRIOT ACT appeared, full-blown and ready to rock, like some miscreant Minerva from the forehead of a somewhat bilious and certainly corrupt Zeus -- it has puzzled me why the talking heads always refer to "almost three thousand"...
It's as if there were some sort of sick Death Eater Disappointment that the number of bodies incinerated, smashed to road kill on the pavement to escape the flames was not the three thousand plus first promised the media beast in first few hours of what we can now see was the beginning of a mass psychosis and outright communual insanity.
Very much on the other hand, I do know what the Bush Doctrine is, which is something Sarah Cuda doesn't know after a fortnight or so of intense indoctrination by the Dark Lords in campaign talking points at an undisclosed location.
Out of some measure of respect for you who may be as ignorant as the Gov. of Alaska, the "Bush Doctrine" is sort of like the "Monroe Doctrine" on steroids.
If you don't know what the "Monroe Doctrine" is, you should forthwith return the money spent on your education. The Monroe Doctrine of 1823 warned the European Powers to stop expanding their bloodsucking colony shit in the New World. The Americas were declared to be turf that belonged to the United State of Arrogance and we went to war more than once, twice -- heck a dozen times to make the point clear. If you are not up to speed on this, please read "War is a Racket".
The Bush Doctrine is the policy of preemptive war -- that is that "we" (i.e., whoever happens to be the Codpiece in Chief) has the right to bomb the shit out of anybody he/she fancies as long as his handlers can make up an excuse television pundits can repeat without barfing on screen in front of the cameras.
It really, really cost me, but I didn't do it!
I didn't talk, blog, write, snide or snark about The Day That Changed Everything -- heck, I didn't even observe a moment of silent prayer for the "almost three thousand who died that day..."
As a matter of fact, it has long puzzled me, along with a few other things like how the concept / meme of "Homeland Security" and the legal monster misnamed the PATRIOT ACT appeared, full-blown and ready to rock, like some miscreant Minerva from the forehead of a somewhat bilious and certainly corrupt Zeus -- it has puzzled me why the talking heads always refer to "almost three thousand"...
It's as if there were some sort of sick Death Eater Disappointment that the number of bodies incinerated, smashed to road kill on the pavement to escape the flames was not the three thousand plus first promised the media beast in first few hours of what we can now see was the beginning of a mass psychosis and outright communual insanity.
Very much on the other hand, I do know what the Bush Doctrine is, which is something Sarah Cuda doesn't know after a fortnight or so of intense indoctrination by the Dark Lords in campaign talking points at an undisclosed location.
Out of some measure of respect for you who may be as ignorant as the Gov. of Alaska, the "Bush Doctrine" is sort of like the "Monroe Doctrine" on steroids.
If you don't know what the "Monroe Doctrine" is, you should forthwith return the money spent on your education. The Monroe Doctrine of 1823 warned the European Powers to stop expanding their bloodsucking colony shit in the New World. The Americas were declared to be turf that belonged to the United State of Arrogance and we went to war more than once, twice -- heck a dozen times to make the point clear. If you are not up to speed on this, please read "War is a Racket".
The Bush Doctrine is the policy of preemptive war -- that is that "we" (i.e., whoever happens to be the Codpiece in Chief) has the right to bomb the shit out of anybody he/she fancies as long as his handlers can make up an excuse television pundits can repeat without barfing on screen in front of the cameras.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
My Blue Passport...
I have been an expatriate Arrogant citizen for forty years and more, residing in the Happy Little Kingdom of Denmark.
For the first time I find myself seriously considering exchanging my blue passport for a beet-red Danish one.
If the fools over there actually (s)elect Mad Cain as Prez of Arrogance, I will probably make good on the threat and ask Queen Margaret II if I may become one of her subjects.
If the imprecatory prayers of the Dominionist and Third Wave "work" and Sara Cuda becomes the new Supreme Hole, I'll drive a wooden stake through that blue passport and consider resigning from the human race.
If, on the other hand, if Bulimo Omama makes it all with way to inauguration without getting whacked, I'll relax a bit. At least, after the swearing in, when the feds catch three bozo's plotting to snipe him, they won't release them with hardly a slap on the wrist. Hopefully, people won't face up to seven years in prison for having the intention to lawfully demonstrate and handfuls of actual demonstrators daring to cross a street won't be met with a dozen flash-bang stun grenades.
On the other hand, if Bulimo also gets into the habit of letting himself be called "Commander in Chief", I dunno
For the first time I find myself seriously considering exchanging my blue passport for a beet-red Danish one.
If the fools over there actually (s)elect Mad Cain as Prez of Arrogance, I will probably make good on the threat and ask Queen Margaret II if I may become one of her subjects.
If the imprecatory prayers of the Dominionist and Third Wave "work" and Sara Cuda becomes the new Supreme Hole, I'll drive a wooden stake through that blue passport and consider resigning from the human race.
If, on the other hand, if Bulimo Omama makes it all with way to inauguration without getting whacked, I'll relax a bit. At least, after the swearing in, when the feds catch three bozo's plotting to snipe him, they won't release them with hardly a slap on the wrist. Hopefully, people won't face up to seven years in prison for having the intention to lawfully demonstrate and handfuls of actual demonstrators daring to cross a street won't be met with a dozen flash-bang stun grenades.
On the other hand, if Bulimo also gets into the habit of letting himself be called "Commander in Chief", I dunno
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Sara Cuda in Waiting
The selection of Sarah Cuda to ride shotgun on the Repugnant entry into the Quadrennial Horse Races was not, as panned, a fluke or a last minute, desperate decision by the Mad Kane.
Quite on the contrary, it was clever, deliberate, thought out, a work of dark genius. The "sex scandal" angle was thrown out like a bucket of chum to distract the media from the fact that Sara Cuda had proven her commitment to the "kick them in the balls before going for the jugular vein" school of politics.
She had also proved the ability to smile while smearing a bald faced lie by saying that Bulimo Omama would increase taxes on the middle class -- this is true, of course, if you consider the top 5% income group as being middle class.
The next stroke of dark genius was to keep her from the press so that the press would demand that she come and speak to them. After a while she came and, yes the media fell prostrate before her because, in fact, she is not just a pit-bull with lipstick, she is a well-formulated pit-bull with lipstick. That proved that the librul media was on her case just because she was a woman and a god-fearing mother who loves her children almost as much as apple pie.
Sooo, Mad Kane became Prez of Arrogance -- which will prove to be a short-lived joy because when the imprecatory prayers are answered, Mad Kane will be struck down by the Finger of God and Sara Cuda will receive the mantle of power.
The fun and games will begin when she figures out where Russia is in relation to Alaska.
On the positive side, we will know longer need to puzzle over such odd instances such as that of a plane which had been known to fly prisoners to Git'mo and extraordinarily render them to lesser known but darker holes of pain and injury -- that same plane crashed in Mexico with a 3 ton load of that white powder you don't use to brush you teeth but sniff up your nose.
Quite on the contrary, it was clever, deliberate, thought out, a work of dark genius. The "sex scandal" angle was thrown out like a bucket of chum to distract the media from the fact that Sara Cuda had proven her commitment to the "kick them in the balls before going for the jugular vein" school of politics.
She had also proved the ability to smile while smearing a bald faced lie by saying that Bulimo Omama would increase taxes on the middle class -- this is true, of course, if you consider the top 5% income group as being middle class.
The next stroke of dark genius was to keep her from the press so that the press would demand that she come and speak to them. After a while she came and, yes the media fell prostrate before her because, in fact, she is not just a pit-bull with lipstick, she is a well-formulated pit-bull with lipstick. That proved that the librul media was on her case just because she was a woman and a god-fearing mother who loves her children almost as much as apple pie.
Sooo, Mad Kane became Prez of Arrogance -- which will prove to be a short-lived joy because when the imprecatory prayers are answered, Mad Kane will be struck down by the Finger of God and Sara Cuda will receive the mantle of power.
The fun and games will begin when she figures out where Russia is in relation to Alaska.
On the positive side, we will know longer need to puzzle over such odd instances such as that of a plane which had been known to fly prisoners to Git'mo and extraordinarily render them to lesser known but darker holes of pain and injury -- that same plane crashed in Mexico with a 3 ton load of that white powder you don't use to brush you teeth but sniff up your nose.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Palin(syn)drom
It's almost like the finals in the Quadrennial Horse Races is starting to sound and smell like some composite of the National Enquirer and day old poop from Peyton Place.
First, Mad Kane names a complete unknown (on the national scene) to be his running (and soul) mate. No sooner is she presented before the sharks begin to circle (and there was a lot of chum in the water). The fact is that the media being the beast that it is, if there is not a print ready surmise of whom a political person is, that is to say prepared food, the beast awakens and says "feed me!"
The first thing that happened is that somebody noticed that Gov. Palin had birthed a baby boy a few months ago. Then it was noticed that at the time Palin announced she was seven months pregnant, people were surprised. At the same time her daughter was out of sight for 5 months because of mononucleosis. Also, it was noticed that in the official pictures, the only one with an obviously large tummy was her daughter. People, being the nasty little critters that they are began to wonder what the real story was.
According to the official story, Gov Palin was in Texas when her water broke, but she waited 8 hours to give a political speech before flying home to Alaska on a commercial airplane. Bypassing a nearby hospital, got to her own hospital where the baby boy was delivered. Anyone with acquaintance with pregnancies and deliveries would wonder how a 46 year old woman who already birthed 4 babies could wait at least ½ a day from when her water broke and labor contractions began to fly back from Texas after a speech to get to her hospital in Alaska. The wonder is how could it could be done without the baby being born along the way as it is well known that deliveries tend to come quicker after the first couple of times. The mother returned to her official duties only three days later, which is not remarkable in itself but should be noted.
It's kind of disgusting that something maybe even below the level of the National Enquirer, sort of Peyton Place sicko is taking so much public attention when there so many other serious stories like the heavy handed proactive harassment and arrests of demonstrators, news people and even lawyers in St. Paul before the Repugnant Convention. But I suppose that is the way it goes in a country where a loose pasty and an exposed nipple trumps other news...
First, Mad Kane names a complete unknown (on the national scene) to be his running (and soul) mate. No sooner is she presented before the sharks begin to circle (and there was a lot of chum in the water). The fact is that the media being the beast that it is, if there is not a print ready surmise of whom a political person is, that is to say prepared food, the beast awakens and says "feed me!"
The first thing that happened is that somebody noticed that Gov. Palin had birthed a baby boy a few months ago. Then it was noticed that at the time Palin announced she was seven months pregnant, people were surprised. At the same time her daughter was out of sight for 5 months because of mononucleosis. Also, it was noticed that in the official pictures, the only one with an obviously large tummy was her daughter. People, being the nasty little critters that they are began to wonder what the real story was.
According to the official story, Gov Palin was in Texas when her water broke, but she waited 8 hours to give a political speech before flying home to Alaska on a commercial airplane. Bypassing a nearby hospital, got to her own hospital where the baby boy was delivered. Anyone with acquaintance with pregnancies and deliveries would wonder how a 46 year old woman who already birthed 4 babies could wait at least ½ a day from when her water broke and labor contractions began to fly back from Texas after a speech to get to her hospital in Alaska. The wonder is how could it could be done without the baby being born along the way as it is well known that deliveries tend to come quicker after the first couple of times. The mother returned to her official duties only three days later, which is not remarkable in itself but should be noted.
It's kind of disgusting that something maybe even below the level of the National Enquirer, sort of Peyton Place sicko is taking so much public attention when there so many other serious stories like the heavy handed proactive harassment and arrests of demonstrators, news people and even lawyers in St. Paul before the Repugnant Convention. But I suppose that is the way it goes in a country where a loose pasty and an exposed nipple trumps other news...
Monday, August 18, 2008
Pinch Me...
It's kind of wierd, these past few days, when I hear the news, even here in the Happy Little Kingdom (where everyone has enough to eat and the King is a Queen and she isn't in drag...) I get this feeling...
Yes, even here, I have to pinch my self when I hear the news.
The UN Peacekeepers, in their response to a blatant attempt to ethnicly cleanse Ossetia, are declared to be ominous aggressors of the same sort that squashed the Czechs in '68 and the Hungarians in '55. The French president is a Hero of Peace. The Codpiece is spewing outrage that someone (other than Himself) is invading a sovereign country and Friend of Peace and Democracy...
Elsewhere, a president, faced with impeachment, abdicates -- the president of a great democracy and major player in the War Against Terror, a Power With Nuclear Weapons...
Umn, it was not the Codpiece (fat chance of that!) -- it was that Hero of Freedom and Democracy, Pervez Musharraf. (Any takers on bets that he will be back in the saddle before Mad Kane is (s)elected?)
Pinch my cheek and tickle my toes -- no it ain't a dream, not even a nightmare, just bullshit served up as usual for joe six-pack...
Yes, even here, I have to pinch my self when I hear the news.
The UN Peacekeepers, in their response to a blatant attempt to ethnicly cleanse Ossetia, are declared to be ominous aggressors of the same sort that squashed the Czechs in '68 and the Hungarians in '55. The French president is a Hero of Peace. The Codpiece is spewing outrage that someone (other than Himself) is invading a sovereign country and Friend of Peace and Democracy...
Elsewhere, a president, faced with impeachment, abdicates -- the president of a great democracy and major player in the War Against Terror, a Power With Nuclear Weapons...
Umn, it was not the Codpiece (fat chance of that!) -- it was that Hero of Freedom and Democracy, Pervez Musharraf. (Any takers on bets that he will be back in the saddle before Mad Kane is (s)elected?)
Pinch my cheek and tickle my toes -- no it ain't a dream, not even a nightmare, just bullshit served up as usual for joe six-pack...
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Drill! Drill! Drill!
"Drill! Drill! Drill!"
No, that is not a paean to the marvels of modern, painless dentistry -- that is the war cry of the Gaia-rapers who sing as they march to the drumbeat of talking points and sound bites:
"We must drill in the national forests, off shore and on land -- only then can we free ourselves from dependency on oil from foreign countries ruled by ogres like Sugo Half-azz and populated by Little Brown People who look like Bulimo Charisma!!!"
And thus it came to pass that the good citizens of Arrogance, trembling in fear of four dollars a gallon at the gas pumps, their fingers hovering over the touch screen voting machines, let their common pinkie point to Mad Kane who then became Prez of the United State of Arrogance!
The result, of course, was such that even a blind drunk stumble bum face down in the gutter could have foreseen it: disaster -- spelled of course, with a capital "D", red and orange flashing lights, wailing sirens, klaxon horns, fart balloons and a chorus crying "Woe!", "Ve!", "Arrgh!" and "Holy Shit, Batman!"
The thing most strange was, even as their banner "Drill!" was being raised as their Jolly Roger on the mobile oil rigs, ready to set sail to the frozen tundra of the far North and start producing oil in, oh, 4, 5, maybe 6 years or more -- at the very same time the Arrogant oil companies were exporting more and more, in fact, record amounts of refined oil and gas to the Little Brown People and even -- gasp! -- the yellow Chinee!!!
When asked about the discrepancy and their apparent lack of Arrogant Patriotism, the fat man with the man with the big cigar shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Money don't never smell bad, sonny boy!"
No, that is not a paean to the marvels of modern, painless dentistry -- that is the war cry of the Gaia-rapers who sing as they march to the drumbeat of talking points and sound bites:
"We must drill in the national forests, off shore and on land -- only then can we free ourselves from dependency on oil from foreign countries ruled by ogres like Sugo Half-azz and populated by Little Brown People who look like Bulimo Charisma!!!"
And thus it came to pass that the good citizens of Arrogance, trembling in fear of four dollars a gallon at the gas pumps, their fingers hovering over the touch screen voting machines, let their common pinkie point to Mad Kane who then became Prez of the United State of Arrogance!
The result, of course, was such that even a blind drunk stumble bum face down in the gutter could have foreseen it: disaster -- spelled of course, with a capital "D", red and orange flashing lights, wailing sirens, klaxon horns, fart balloons and a chorus crying "Woe!", "Ve!", "Arrgh!" and "Holy Shit, Batman!"
The thing most strange was, even as their banner "Drill!" was being raised as their Jolly Roger on the mobile oil rigs, ready to set sail to the frozen tundra of the far North and start producing oil in, oh, 4, 5, maybe 6 years or more -- at the very same time the Arrogant oil companies were exporting more and more, in fact, record amounts of refined oil and gas to the Little Brown People and even -- gasp! -- the yellow Chinee!!!
When asked about the discrepancy and their apparent lack of Arrogant Patriotism, the fat man with the man with the big cigar shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Money don't never smell bad, sonny boy!"
Sunday, August 10, 2008
From Tasers to Tskhinvali
Digby has yet another interesting and slightly snarky piece about tasers, this time their proposed use in schools on teenagers.
But on to today's topic -- we'll be hearing a lot of loose talk about the recent armed confrontations between Georgia, Ossetia and Russia. In particular, we are sure to hear some comparison to Iraq. Therefore I think it important to set the record straight from the beginning!
True, there are some similarities -- but what are they?
1. S. Ossetia shares a border with Russia while Iraq is only 7000 miles from the US!
2. There is a North Ossetia in Russia with a half million population -- they are of the same ethnic group as the hundred thousand living in South Ossetia (who carry Russian passports). Meanwhile, there are/were only 24 million Iraqis in Iraq who carried Iraqi passports!
3. South Ossetia has been, although not officially recognized, since 1992 de-facto independent of Georgia after Georgia declared independence of the Russians in 1991. Iraq, on the other hand was a sovereign nation until the invasion and occupation in 2003 by the US and the Coalition of the Willing.
4. Georgian military, in an attempt to end the Ossetian separatist movement, attacked on 7 August its capitol, Tskhinvali, turning it into rubble. The Russians responded the next day with air and ground forces more or less finishing the grinding of rubble of Tskhinvali. The US, on the other hand, threatened by the imminent attack by Saddam using model airplanes and hot air balloons filled with rancid chicken shit not only turned much of Baghdad to rubble but also many cities like Falujah and Najaf.
5. The Russians had an interest in protecting the ethnic Ossetians south of their border. The Americans on the other hand had an interest in protecting the buildings of the Ministry of Oil.
6. The Russians have been bombing military air fields in Georgia, while sending both troops and tanks into South Ossetia. The US, meanwhile, has bombed everything in Iraq while deploying tanks and hundreds of thousands of troops and armed "contractors".
Having allowed for these few similarities, I'm sure you will understand that American, Brit and Danish protests over the Russian invasion of sovereign Georgia in no way can be considered a case of "the pot calling the kettle black"!
Actually folks, all snark aside this is the short-short story: whatever your preferences, Russia is the official peacekeeping force in S. Ossetia. When the Georgian president Saakashvili decided to coup an occupation of Tskhinvali while everyone's attention was on the OL, it didn't work. The phrase which West Media uses to describe Saskashvili is that he is "devoutly" pro-West (= American puppet)
The Russians convened an emergency session of the UN Security Council. But their resolution was blocked by the US, Brits and Georgia -- the glitch was in a phrase which required both sides to renounce the use of force. Thereafter, not being Holland in Srebenicia, the Russians sent in troops and armor to reinstate order in Tskhinvali and bombed military bases in Gori and elsewhere in Georgia.
The report is that 1500 Ossetians died under the Georgian attack (as well as a reported 15 Russian peace keepers killed and 150 wounded). If correct, this is more than 1% of the S. Ossetian population!. Under the bombing of a military base in Gori a bomb hit an apartment complex in Gori and 50 Georgians were reported dead. In Iraq such are called "collateral damage" -- unless they are men of military age, then they are Al-Qube terraists.
A last note, the Ossetians are a Persian people who were driven from their original homeland south of the River Don by invading Mongols.
But on to today's topic -- we'll be hearing a lot of loose talk about the recent armed confrontations between Georgia, Ossetia and Russia. In particular, we are sure to hear some comparison to Iraq. Therefore I think it important to set the record straight from the beginning!
True, there are some similarities -- but what are they?
1. S. Ossetia shares a border with Russia while Iraq is only 7000 miles from the US!
2. There is a North Ossetia in Russia with a half million population -- they are of the same ethnic group as the hundred thousand living in South Ossetia (who carry Russian passports). Meanwhile, there are/were only 24 million Iraqis in Iraq who carried Iraqi passports!
3. South Ossetia has been, although not officially recognized, since 1992 de-facto independent of Georgia after Georgia declared independence of the Russians in 1991. Iraq, on the other hand was a sovereign nation until the invasion and occupation in 2003 by the US and the Coalition of the Willing.
4. Georgian military, in an attempt to end the Ossetian separatist movement, attacked on 7 August its capitol, Tskhinvali, turning it into rubble. The Russians responded the next day with air and ground forces more or less finishing the grinding of rubble of Tskhinvali. The US, on the other hand, threatened by the imminent attack by Saddam using model airplanes and hot air balloons filled with rancid chicken shit not only turned much of Baghdad to rubble but also many cities like Falujah and Najaf.
5. The Russians had an interest in protecting the ethnic Ossetians south of their border. The Americans on the other hand had an interest in protecting the buildings of the Ministry of Oil.
6. The Russians have been bombing military air fields in Georgia, while sending both troops and tanks into South Ossetia. The US, meanwhile, has bombed everything in Iraq while deploying tanks and hundreds of thousands of troops and armed "contractors".
Having allowed for these few similarities, I'm sure you will understand that American, Brit and Danish protests over the Russian invasion of sovereign Georgia in no way can be considered a case of "the pot calling the kettle black"!
Actually folks, all snark aside this is the short-short story: whatever your preferences, Russia is the official peacekeeping force in S. Ossetia. When the Georgian president Saakashvili decided to coup an occupation of Tskhinvali while everyone's attention was on the OL, it didn't work. The phrase which West Media uses to describe Saskashvili is that he is "devoutly" pro-West (= American puppet)
The Russians convened an emergency session of the UN Security Council. But their resolution was blocked by the US, Brits and Georgia -- the glitch was in a phrase which required both sides to renounce the use of force. Thereafter, not being Holland in Srebenicia, the Russians sent in troops and armor to reinstate order in Tskhinvali and bombed military bases in Gori and elsewhere in Georgia.
The report is that 1500 Ossetians died under the Georgian attack (as well as a reported 15 Russian peace keepers killed and 150 wounded). If correct, this is more than 1% of the S. Ossetian population!. Under the bombing of a military base in Gori a bomb hit an apartment complex in Gori and 50 Georgians were reported dead. In Iraq such are called "collateral damage" -- unless they are men of military age, then they are Al-Qube terraists.
A last note, the Ossetians are a Persian people who were driven from their original homeland south of the River Don by invading Mongols.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
A Novel Twist on the Concept of "Duck and Cover"
Myke Hugababy, the pastor turned politico who tried out in the opening heats of the Quadrenial Horse Races and, although he did surprisingly well in the beginning, had to drop out for the lack of both votes and funds -- and who, by the way, is on the short list for the Veep position in the final lap of the Quadrennials; yes, that same Hugababy who as governor of Organsaw, pardoned a serial rapist because he one of his victims was a distant relation of Billy "Big Dog" Flintstone, former governor of Organsaw and Prez of the Arrogant States (therefore, the poor rapist must have been unjustly convicted by the criminally and insanely vengefull Flintstones!)
Yes, the felon who, upon release, promptly went about carving a few more notches by raping, killing and otherwise desecrating the bodies of at least two more young women (that we know of, but he may have worked overtime and moonlighted a bit...).
Yes, that Hugababy, politician, pastor and Man of Gawd, was holding a speech the other day at the NRA, and cut what one might call a joke but might just as be called a verbal fart...
This was the situation: While Hugababy was speaking, there was a loud noise backstage, perhaps of a chair falling over. "Heh! heh!" says Hugababy, "I guess that was Bulimo Charisma diving for cover because somebody pointed a gun at him, har-hardy-har-har!"
If one, like myself, knows something of the number of threats, veiled in jokes and innuendo -- and sometimes not veiled at all -- that have been made against Bulimo, you would find this about as funny as having a fresh turd stuck down the front of your pants.
________________
That said, I like to pose a question that has been bumping around in what for me passes as a mind: if the Prez- and Veep-Elect somehow leave the land of the living before the Inaugaration -- what happens? Does the Speaker of the House take over as in the case the Prez and Veep die or are unable to function? Is there any rule for such a contingency?
Or, would, as I suspect, the outgoing Prez hang on to the reins of power until such time, assuming it ever came -- and that might depend on just how the Prez-elect managed to leave his mortal coil -- until such time as new (s)elections could be arranged...?
Yes, the felon who, upon release, promptly went about carving a few more notches by raping, killing and otherwise desecrating the bodies of at least two more young women (that we know of, but he may have worked overtime and moonlighted a bit...).
Yes, that Hugababy, politician, pastor and Man of Gawd, was holding a speech the other day at the NRA, and cut what one might call a joke but might just as be called a verbal fart...
This was the situation: While Hugababy was speaking, there was a loud noise backstage, perhaps of a chair falling over. "Heh! heh!" says Hugababy, "I guess that was Bulimo Charisma diving for cover because somebody pointed a gun at him, har-hardy-har-har!"
If one, like myself, knows something of the number of threats, veiled in jokes and innuendo -- and sometimes not veiled at all -- that have been made against Bulimo, you would find this about as funny as having a fresh turd stuck down the front of your pants.
________________
That said, I like to pose a question that has been bumping around in what for me passes as a mind: if the Prez- and Veep-Elect somehow leave the land of the living before the Inaugaration -- what happens? Does the Speaker of the House take over as in the case the Prez and Veep die or are unable to function? Is there any rule for such a contingency?
Or, would, as I suspect, the outgoing Prez hang on to the reins of power until such time, assuming it ever came -- and that might depend on just how the Prez-elect managed to leave his mortal coil -- until such time as new (s)elections could be arranged...?
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Look on the Bright Side!!!
By what would seem to be popular acclaim, the unofficial national song here in the Happy Little Kingdom is the Monty Python number from "The Life of Brian" -- "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life!"
I try to adhere to that bit of cracker barrel philosophy.
A hundred thousand drowned in the flood that Typhoon Nargis donated to Myanmar and that number will increase many times because lack of sanitation, drinking water, food, shelter -- which will bring on dysentery, dengue fever, cholera and other pestilence. All of which will be accompanied by another old acquaintance -- famine.
On the bright side, the international press seems to be learning to refer to the poor country as Myanmar and not the colonial name of Burma. True, that is not much of a bright side, but, to paraphrase Mr. Rumsfart, you go with the bright side you've got and not the one you'd like to have...
A major earth quake in China started with a modest two thousand dead which quickly went to ten, then twelve thousand and may continue to exponentially increase. The quake came at the worst possible time -- around three in the afternoon. At that time, people are all in schools, offices and factories. Since the building codes, their enforcement at least is shoddy -- this not being a high priority for the present regime -- many buildings, in particular factories, collapsed like the concrete card houses they were.
On the bright side? Well, this may well mean that China will not be able to ship as many Arrogant flag-pins to the USA as planned in time to be worn during the Quadrennial Horse Races also known as the Prezidenshul (se)Election. In turn, this could harm chances of Senator Mad Kane to win the races!
On another bright side -- except for an elderly lady who died and a lot of cattle who are going to starve to death because their forage is covered in pumice -- is the recent dramatic eruption of the Chaitén Volcano in southern Chile. Some of the photos of the eruption and the electrical displays in the clouds of ash and pumice are simply awe inspiring!
Actually, it is very much on the bright side that all that ash, dust and sulfides Chaitén is belching into the upper atmosphere will counteract something of effect of the 385 ppm of CO2 in the atmosphere as well as the methane being slipped from the thawing permafrost of the northern tundras.
Why, Chaitén might even give us a few more months before we reach the tipping point where global climate change is irreversible -- isn't that a wonderful thing to think about?
I try to adhere to that bit of cracker barrel philosophy.
A hundred thousand drowned in the flood that Typhoon Nargis donated to Myanmar and that number will increase many times because lack of sanitation, drinking water, food, shelter -- which will bring on dysentery, dengue fever, cholera and other pestilence. All of which will be accompanied by another old acquaintance -- famine.
On the bright side, the international press seems to be learning to refer to the poor country as Myanmar and not the colonial name of Burma. True, that is not much of a bright side, but, to paraphrase Mr. Rumsfart, you go with the bright side you've got and not the one you'd like to have...
A major earth quake in China started with a modest two thousand dead which quickly went to ten, then twelve thousand and may continue to exponentially increase. The quake came at the worst possible time -- around three in the afternoon. At that time, people are all in schools, offices and factories. Since the building codes, their enforcement at least is shoddy -- this not being a high priority for the present regime -- many buildings, in particular factories, collapsed like the concrete card houses they were.
On the bright side? Well, this may well mean that China will not be able to ship as many Arrogant flag-pins to the USA as planned in time to be worn during the Quadrennial Horse Races also known as the Prezidenshul (se)Election. In turn, this could harm chances of Senator Mad Kane to win the races!
On another bright side -- except for an elderly lady who died and a lot of cattle who are going to starve to death because their forage is covered in pumice -- is the recent dramatic eruption of the Chaitén Volcano in southern Chile. Some of the photos of the eruption and the electrical displays in the clouds of ash and pumice are simply awe inspiring!
Actually, it is very much on the bright side that all that ash, dust and sulfides Chaitén is belching into the upper atmosphere will counteract something of effect of the 385 ppm of CO2 in the atmosphere as well as the methane being slipped from the thawing permafrost of the northern tundras.
Why, Chaitén might even give us a few more months before we reach the tipping point where global climate change is irreversible -- isn't that a wonderful thing to think about?
Saturday, May 10, 2008
A Minor Case of Anti-Serendipity...
You have exactly 30 seconds to catch the joke in this little example of anti-serendipity:
The clock is ticking...
Don't feel bad if you didn't catch it -- I didn't either, I'm a bit dyslexic...
Hint, if you still don't get it, use a spell checker...
The clock is ticking...
Don't feel bad if you didn't catch it -- I didn't either, I'm a bit dyslexic...
Hint, if you still don't get it, use a spell checker...
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Sniffing for Fun
I always thought we had a corner on silly sex scandals in the United State of Arrogance, but, they are showing a certain amount of initiative Down Under.
The leader of the Western Australia Liberal* Party broke down in tears -- on television -- and admitted that, yes, he had been sniffing the seat of the chair in which a female Liberal Party staff member had been sitting...
Geeze, when I was a kid in Poosah City, these many years ago, one of the definitions of a "perv" was somebody who sniffed girls' bicycle seats. I always assumed it was a joke, like wearing green on a Thursday meant that you were "queer" -- but now, I'm not so sure...
_____________________
* Please note: "Liberal" outside the USA does not translate to "librul" and is rather somewhat right of center.
The leader of the Western Australia Liberal* Party broke down in tears -- on television -- and admitted that, yes, he had been sniffing the seat of the chair in which a female Liberal Party staff member had been sitting...
Geeze, when I was a kid in Poosah City, these many years ago, one of the definitions of a "perv" was somebody who sniffed girls' bicycle seats. I always assumed it was a joke, like wearing green on a Thursday meant that you were "queer" -- but now, I'm not so sure...
_____________________
* Please note: "Liberal" outside the USA does not translate to "librul" and is rather somewhat right of center.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
On the Importance of Orange Juice as Opposed to Torture...
I thought of doing some snark with Snarly, Ms. Lice and all the others sitting around, drinking coffee and soda pop, deciding how many slaps, how much water to pour on a fella's face, how long to hang some poor bugger from his arms behind his back -- and then hear them say, "We don't torture -- we decided to call it intensive interrogation..."
But it's too sick -- this is not my country, this is not the Lady of Light and Liberty. This is not the "City of Light upon the hill"
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the Codpiece himself drawls, "Why shore, I knew, I approved, sheet, I thought it was kinna cool."
Meanwhile, the Bankers of Illusion yawn and get down to the serious news, did Bulimo Charisma turn down a cup of coffee and ask for orange juice?
Meanwhile, Mad Kane, the media darling and prime candidate for Supreme Hole after Rexona, the First, continues to babble, confusing Sunni and Shia -- but hey, if you are a straight talker, a manly man, who needs to know anything except where the button of power is?
But it's too sick -- this is not my country, this is not the Lady of Light and Liberty. This is not the "City of Light upon the hill"
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the Codpiece himself drawls, "Why shore, I knew, I approved, sheet, I thought it was kinna cool."
Meanwhile, the Bankers of Illusion yawn and get down to the serious news, did Bulimo Charisma turn down a cup of coffee and ask for orange juice?
Meanwhile, Mad Kane, the media darling and prime candidate for Supreme Hole after Rexona, the First, continues to babble, confusing Sunni and Shia -- but hey, if you are a straight talker, a manly man, who needs to know anything except where the button of power is?
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
The Price of Peace is Soxcess
Success is a funny thing -- a lot depends on how you define it. As a matter of fact, a lot depends on how you spell sugcess!
But no one can deny that Wudda-Wreck and the Battle(s) of Body-bag have been a sucksass beyond our wildest expectations!
Who could have known that the grateful citizens, as we waltzed around our cakewalk, would throw that many flowers at our brave soldiers? Who could have foreseen that four thousand would be smothered to death in all those petals?
It was tragic, but tragedy is sometimes the price of peace!
But no one can deny that Wudda-Wreck and the Battle(s) of Body-bag have been a sucksass beyond our wildest expectations!
Who could have known that the grateful citizens, as we waltzed around our cakewalk, would throw that many flowers at our brave soldiers? Who could have foreseen that four thousand would be smothered to death in all those petals?
It was tragic, but tragedy is sometimes the price of peace!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Happy Anniversary
[If this was the Third Galaxy, this is what you might hear from the bobble heads on the glowing screens]
Happy Anniversary!
It was five years ago today that the liberation of Wudda-Wreck began with a fantastic display of fireworks on your tee-vee screen. As the song goes:
The showers of flowers, the embraces and kisses of the liberated people!
It was so inspiring that we could accept the few incidents where some of our troops slipped and hurt themselves on the piles of rose petals they had to wade through...
Today, five years later, we see how Wudda-Wreck enjoys the benefits of Purple Finger Democracy!
Why just the other day, several members of the Wudda-Wreck government ventured outside of the Dream Zone in Bodybag to meet with Mad Kane, the Repugnant candidate for Prez. They met at an undisclosed location and talked about things we know nothing about, before he wiped the sweat from his brow and flew back to the United State of Arrogance.
We can assume they had a nice lunch because, when he returned, Mad Kane announced that things continue to improve so much in Wudda-Wreck that we may be able to withdraw our military presence there in a 100 years or even sooner if the oil runs out...
Happy Anniversary!
It was five years ago today that the liberation of Wudda-Wreck began with a fantastic display of fireworks on your tee-vee screen. As the song goes:
"If there's one thing Arrogance hates,Yes indeed, it all went so fast with the "Shock and Awe Show" that some of our advertisers were, slightly, miffed. But still, as patriotic Arrogant citizens, they were happy to see how we were greeted by the liberated people of Wudda-Wreck -- for them, the bottom line is not the most important thing!
it's dictators in oil-rich states,
we shoot them with bullets, rockets and bombs
and you get to see it on color television!"
The showers of flowers, the embraces and kisses of the liberated people!
It was so inspiring that we could accept the few incidents where some of our troops slipped and hurt themselves on the piles of rose petals they had to wade through...
Today, five years later, we see how Wudda-Wreck enjoys the benefits of Purple Finger Democracy!
Why just the other day, several members of the Wudda-Wreck government ventured outside of the Dream Zone in Bodybag to meet with Mad Kane, the Repugnant candidate for Prez. They met at an undisclosed location and talked about things we know nothing about, before he wiped the sweat from his brow and flew back to the United State of Arrogance.
We can assume they had a nice lunch because, when he returned, Mad Kane announced that things continue to improve so much in Wudda-Wreck that we may be able to withdraw our military presence there in a 100 years or even sooner if the oil runs out...
Saturday, March 08, 2008
A Last Supper...
The last battle was between Ooog and Schmooog and it didn't last long.
Ooog struck Schmooog a mighty blow with his sword, "Snicker-Snack" and Schmooog's left arm fell to the ground, severed from his body. But Schmooog quickly snatched up the appendage which had so recently been a part of him and, swinging it over his head, struck Ooog such a blow that it cracked his head open and Ooog expired, dead on the spot.
"Yeaaaaaggghhh!!!"
Schmooog cried the cry of Ultimate Victory!
However, unable to stench the flow of blood, also he collapsed, his body falling over that of Ooog.
The carrion crows were, of course, happy for the double meal, but their joy was tempered by the knowledge that there would be no more free meals coming their way. This was, so to speak, their Last Supper.
Ooog struck Schmooog a mighty blow with his sword, "Snicker-Snack" and Schmooog's left arm fell to the ground, severed from his body. But Schmooog quickly snatched up the appendage which had so recently been a part of him and, swinging it over his head, struck Ooog such a blow that it cracked his head open and Ooog expired, dead on the spot.
"Yeaaaaaggghhh!!!"
Schmooog cried the cry of Ultimate Victory!
However, unable to stench the flow of blood, also he collapsed, his body falling over that of Ooog.
The carrion crows were, of course, happy for the double meal, but their joy was tempered by the knowledge that there would be no more free meals coming their way. This was, so to speak, their Last Supper.
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