Not a Conspiracy

There is a misunderstanding that the rise of Ronald Rexona to power in the Third Galaxy, culminating in ascendancy as the Supreme Hole of Arrogance, was the result of nefarious scheming and world wide conspiracies.

Nothing could be further from the truth and for once I have to ask that you really believe that I mean what I say.

There was no conspiracy, at least no more conspiracy than that of a pack of wild hyenas gorging themselves on some poor creature.

True, there was a lot of scheming and much of it was quite nefarious, but really nothing more than the sort of thing that comes natural to any arrogant asshole.

No one is surprised when a plate of food forgotten in the refrigerator is found to have acquired multicolored fur of fungus, no one thinks that bacteria “conspired” to destroy food. Everyone understands that it is a result of the dynamics of a situation.

Similarly, one should be surprised that when certain types of people get their hands on the levers of governmental power things will develop in certain ways because assholes everywhere operate from a set of Prime Directives which is 1. “Get Mine”, 2. “Get Theirs” and, when the shit hits the fan, 3. “Cover My Ass”.

Power leads to increasing arrogance which leads to ignorance. An arrogant asshole fixates on what it wants and getting more of it, ignoring every thing else. Avarice and greed feed its sense of entitlement, that it has the right to take what it wants, which also accentuates the drift from power into ignorance. Ignorance obviously leads to incompetence and incompetence to disasters, the size of which are proportional to the amount of power. The greater the power, the greater the ignorance, avarice, greed, incompetence…finally, when the shit does hit the fan, the “cover your ass” reaction kicks in.

“Cover you ass” includes such things as denying a mistake was made. If that is not possible, then it was someone else’s fault or deception, preferably an enemy. If there are no suitable enemies, then a lesser hole than ones self must take the fall.

Look at what happened after Terrible Tuesday, when the terraist minions of Ahsawyah Been-Lately carried out their attack on the Towers of Power, dropping tons of warm horseshit from hi-jacked hot-air balloons. Thousands died in that attack, trampled to death on the stairways, even jumping from upper storey windows in order to escape the stench.

Instead of uncovering the incompetence and ignorance in government agencies, not to mention Ronald Rexona, who ignored all warnings of the impending attack – all the little holes scrambled to cover their ass and thus covered that of Rexona.

Instead of asking how it was possible to smuggle 20 tons of horseshit into the country, a feat which could only be compared to smuggling in 20 alien terraists and having them take courses in flying hi-jacked hot-air balloons – instead they ranted on and on about how Ahsawyah been-Lately “hates our freedom”.

Shortly thereafter, Rexona declared “War on Terra” and attacked Sandy Aridya, a country that nothing whatsoever to do with Terrible Tuesday or any dealings with either Ahsawyah or Boo-Boo Wankerman. The reasons for the invasion and maintaining the occupation changed over the years until it became “bringing freedom and democracy, “staying the course” and “fighting them over there so we won’t have to fight them here”.

The real reason could be found scrawled on the walls of public restrooms:

If there’s one thing Arrogance hates
It’s dictators in oil-rich states
We shoot them with rockets, bullets and bombs
And watch it on tele-vi-zhun

Which could be kind of funny except for the fact that hundreds of thousands of people were killed, maimed and tortured in the process which profited no one except for the companies with government contracts to supply all the necessities for making war, everything from laser-guided bombs to meals-ready-to-eat and defective body armor.

These adventures were about to end Ultimate Total War and nuclear hell bombs were actually being unleashed when the strange ships of the Alien Veggies appeared in the skies of the Third Galaxy and put an end to such foolishness.

But there was never any question of a conspiracy, just greed, arrogance and ignorance.