Friday, September 11, 2009

The Short Short Path to Total Complete Enlightenment

I've been away for a while, doing deep research into the Absolute Truth, 21st Edition and return now with a report of what that enigmatic fellow, the unknown poet of the Third Galaxy had to say about the Short Short Path...
Well, dear hearts, I finally did it -- I took the short, short Path to Total, Complete Enlightenment.

As you know the Method is quite simple: bend over, grab your right ear with your left hand, your left ear with your right hand and (briskly) pull you head out of your ass.

As I suspected, it does hurt a bit -- however, when one has acquired Total Complete Enlightenment, one does not say, "OW!" or curse and swear -- being detached and overflowing with love and bliss, the Enlightened One does not fuss over things that amount to small skeeter bites...however:
"OW!GAWDDAMN!THIS!SHIT!HURTS!@!#!&!" somehow slipped past my lips.
However, being Totally Completely Enlightened, I realized at once that if people can hear you five blocks away it's okay for an Enlightened One to scream. In my case, I received not only complaints from my neighbors but from people I've never seen before. In fact, there was a notice in the Poosah City Gazette that people thought that a wounded animal had escaped from the City Zoo.

That said though, take some advice from a Totally Enlightened with a sore bum --before taking the Short Short Path, make some serious effort to deflate the empiric ego -- pulling his inflated ego out of his ass is what made the Path so painful for this fellow.