Monday, September 04, 2006

The Crazy Bird Security Plan

[While on vacation, posting will be done on a slow dial-up, so no cute little gifs and jpegs for the time being.]

Sunflower Woman and I landed in Illinois with no problems -- the plane was even on time!

Because of all the hoopla about the alleged plot in Britain earlier in August to make planes fall out of the sky with a method that failed already back in 1995, security was a long procedure in Denmark.

The advantage though, was that we didn't have time to spend any money in the duty free stores.

The few discomforts , such as not being able to have a tube of toothpaste to squeeze or a bottle of whiskey to hug, were balanced by the fact that there was room in the overhead compartments, Sunflower Woman and I had one all to ourselves.

What I don't understand is why they didn't start such procedures a decade ago when somebody not playing with a full deck of cards first thought of trying the rather dicey stunt of mixing tri-peroxide-tri-acetone on the fly, so to speak.

Perhaps the reason is that out-sourcing was not that big a thing ten years ago. That's basically what this new set up is. The security check and examination of bags is now being done in Europe by Europeans. We flew through customs in record time.

Hey, I'm not complaining! At the end of the day, literally, we got out on the road in our rental car before the sun went down -- that was nice!

But I do wish they would consider my security plan. For some reason they continue to ignore my well-thought out advice and, if I didn't know better, I'd think that maybe they aren't taking this homeland security all that seriously. That instead they are just taking the money to go on junkets and deal out fat contracts to cronies almost as incompetent as themselves.

The Crazy Bird Security Plan is simple:

1. Everybody flies naked, so that nobody can go on board with any concealed bad thing that they weren't born with or developed through a long life of bad habits.

2. In the event of somebody suddenly revealing themselves as a terraist, a big bowie knife drops down instead of one of those oxygen masks.

Yeah, I know, it's kind of sick! But then I never claimed to have any good sense. Besides it's this habit Homo-sap has of always answering violence with more violence, always upping the ante that got us into this mess in the first place!

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