Sunday, September 10, 2006

The House of Apes -- a Terrible Parable

If you want to know what this "terrible parable" is about, all that I can say is that, while reading it, the picture comes to my mind of H. A Rey's "Curious George" and his friend, the man with the yellow hat. If you find that it has some of the whimsy of Dr. Zuess, I'd be really pleased.

There once was a man (he must of been nuts)
who invited these wild, but not too hairy apes
to come and live in his beautifully decorated house;
with chandeliers hanging and rugs on the floor...
-- it was a rather amazingly fantastic place.

Unfortunately, from the time they lived in trees,
the apes, you see, were used to simply let
their bodily fluids and excrements fly free!

But like I said, it was a wonderful house,
with arrangements so even apes could piss and crap;
and the man (that crazy man) showed them the shining bowels,
the urinals, the paper towels and even
showed them exactly how they should be used.

But he was suddenly called away, and had to leave...
-- he told them sternly to remember what to do
when they had to do the things that apes must do;
and told them he'd be coming back for sure,
if not tomorrow, then some other day...

It took him somewhat longer than he had thought,
but return he did, suddenly and unannounced...
and what he saw unnerved him quite a bit;
for a moment he thought, "Perhaps I've lost my wits!"

The house was rather clean, considering how long
the apes had been living there all alone;
there were roses and daffodils in the toilet bowels,
and apes were walking stiffly about, with grim,
somewhat pained expressions on their mugs,
which was perhaps because they had big cork plugs
firmly stuck between the crack in his
or her brightly-colored apish butt!

To his great surprise, the man heard one of the apes
(who was dressed in a garish sort of priestly garb)
intoning pious doggerel such as:

"...when the Man comes home with his special juice
he'll find the bowels are clean for his Holy Use,
for we have followed his Holy Word
and on the rugs he'll find not a single turd!"


The man stood there, his mouth agape, amazed
by the twisted antics of his belov├ęd apes;
he smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand and said,
in a soft lament,
"Well, I guess my friends
didn't quite comprehend what I really meant!"

The final question, without any doubt
is: were there any apes who understood
just what it was he was laughing about?

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