Thursday, February 01, 2007

Nostril Theology...

One of the best things I know is sneezing, it clears up your head and mind.

When I feel a sneeze coming I relax and let the reflex take over and expectorate with all my heart and soul.

I've never understood why people repress their sneezing, they hold it back and it comes out like a "phhweetch!", it comes more out of their mouth and even ears than their nose.

When I sneeze, people usually remark, o, you're catching cold!

They miss the whole point of the matter.

Knock on wood, but I very seldom catch cold. My idea is that because I sneeze so completely, unwanted guests never get a chance to settle in. Or maybe the sneeze does something for the immune defense? I've read that an orgasm is good for the immune defense, so maybe the orgastic experience of a sneeze is good also?

If nothing else, it's sure that a good sneeze let's you know that you're alive and that is the idea behind the little song, Nostril Theology.

The point is, you can believe anything, do any thing, be a bum or a saint, but if you can't get to sneeze, it ain't worth a hill of stale beans:

Take an ape and tickle him to death,
see how long he can hold his breath
completely u n d r e s s e d !
The Moon's made of green cheese?
Well, there are lots of things you can believe!
But, they ain't no use, if you can't get to sneeze !

I don't care if it rains or freezes
as long as I got a nose that sneezes
smack-dab in the middle of my f a c e !
I might be up on the Moon, pretend to be a baboon
with a big mouth, singing an awful, crazy tune!

Drinking wine and other booze,
there are lots of things you can do,
maybe even get an occaisional screw!
But when your doorknob breaks,
who's gonna bake your birthday cake?
Or maybe you think this is a Finnegan's Wake!

I don't care if it rains or freezes
as long as I got a nose that sneezes
smack-dab in the middle of my face!
I might be up on Mars, smoking stinky, old cigars,
going out and getting drunk in bars!

Why in the hell waste so much time,
building castles in the sky,
when in the twinkling-of-an-eye,
they all disappear and we get stranded here
with no one to wipe away our t e a r s !

I don't care if it rains or freezes
as long as I got a nose that sneezes
smack-dab in the middle of my f a c e !
I might be algebra, up on a rooftop eating-it-raw
looking like a rebel, running from a lost cause!
If you think you see biblical references in these verses, the reason is because they are there. In fact, part of the joke is that the song can be sung to a tune very similar to the one used for "Plastic Jesus"

P.S. The nose up at the top belongs to an 80 year old Belgian man and I got the picture from Wikepedia.


JamesRaven said...


The second way to keep the immune system healthy is how we... ummm... do it.


Great post and writing.

JamesRaven said...


I'm moving again, some fucking glitch killed the comment feature, so here I am:

Chuck Cliff said...

Atchoo, know what you mean, tried to say it between the lines, but I guess it wasn't as obvious as I thought.

Yeah that comment thing can be a bitch -- the irritating is that if the comment takes more than a minute to write, the codeword has to be refreshed...

Vigilante said...

Too many nose hairs in that photo. Yuchh! Take an electric razor to that ol' man.

Chuck Cliff said...

LOL, heh heh, it's a beautiful 80 year old male nose and they are supposed to be hairs in them, keeps the boogers from falling out.

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