Sunday, May 27, 2007

When Hardazz Met Lord Laydback...

[You probably know this story, but I'm going to tell it anyway. It's about acceptance and James Eagle is responsible for setting me off on telling it.]

There was this fellow who was really big on meditation.

In fact, with his all night vigils, fasts and asceticisms, he had meditated his ass into the ground and had achieved the most amazing sidhis. The sidhi of which he was most proud was his "diamond body" -- when he had the bugger charged and turned on he was invincible -- nothing could harm him!

Since I'm going to bring another character into the story, we'd better give this guy a name, so let's call him Hardazz.

Hardazz went to this convention where people who were into real heavy mystic shit like himself were gathered. Most had come to learn and exchange information, but Hardazz had gone to show off and impress people. Strutting around looking for somebody to impress, doing his special breathing exercise to "charge" his diamond body, he happened to overhear a couple of people talking about this "Master". Hardazz stopped up immediately and demanded to know who this person was.

"Why, don't you know? It's him over there.", came the reply and a little fellow over in the corner was pointed out to him, "He is known as Lord Laydback".

Well! This was just the kind of person that he needed to impress -- if he could do a put down on someone with a big reputation he would gain immediate recognition!

So, Hardazz went over to this Lord Laydback and introduced himself, "My name is Hardazz and I have achieved more power and sidhis than anyone -- yourself included, I'm sure.

"So, you are this Hardazz I've heard so much about? As to the fact that you have more sidhis than my humble self I am sure there can be no question."

Taken slightly aback, Hardazz puzzled, "Really?"

"Of course, you see, I have no sidhis whosoever!"

"Well, I do, I have 64 sidhis and that includes the most valuable and treasured of all powers -- a Diamond Body!

The discussion was beginning to attract some onlookers and this pleased Hardazz immensely, "See, I will show you my diamond perfection -- here, take this sword and strike me with your strongest blow!" Hardazz reached into his cloak and drew from its scabbard one of the two sharp swords he always carried with him and offered it to Lord Laydback.

"O, my, that will never do -- I hardly know how to handle such a weapon. Why don't you give the sword to that fellow over there?", Laydback pointed to one of the bystanders, a big muscular fellow who could have been a palace guard.

Hardazz gulped a bit but gave the sword to the big guy, took a deep breath, turned on his diamond body and said, "Okay, give it your best shot! Fear not -- nothing will happen!"

The fellow took the sword in both hands, raised it above his head and brought it down with such force and speed that it whistled through air and should have cloven Hardazz from the crown of his head down to his crotch -- however, the diamond body was as good as advertised, the sword blade broke into three pieces clattered to the floor!

"My, my, that was impressive!", spoke Laydback softly, "but something did happen, you see!"


"The sword broke," smiled Laydback, "I see you have another sword, why don't you take a swing at me? Don't worry, nothing will happen!"

Again somewhat puzzled but amazed at his good fortune that he would be able to eliminate some competition so easily -- everyone had heard what this snotty little "Lord" Laydback had said, so it would not be murder! Grinning a wicked grin, Hardazz drew his second sword which was even longer and sharper than the first, swung it three times around his head and struck Laydback with such a blow that it went clear through him.

As a matter of fact it went through him as if it had gone through air, which was not at all surprising as that describes pretty much what had happened.

Smiling, he walked over to Hardazz and offered to help him up, "See, nothing happened -- well, you fell on your butt, but that doesn't matter, does it? You are such a hard ass."

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