Saturday, July 21, 2007

The Holy Idaho and Free Lunches...

Such a shock I had this morning!

For two hours today, Dick Cheney will be President of the United States!

But, fear not! This has happened before and the world did not end!

The wimp who calls himself Commander in Chief is going to have a teevee probe stuck up where the sun don't shine today and, once again, has chosen total anesthesia.

He was afraid to put his ass on the line when his country needed it and, now, when he has to literally put his ass on the line he, of course, cops out, again.

Jeeze, I've been through this procedure myself, so I know what it entails.

Yeah, it hurts -- I've read that a bullet in the stomach is one of the most painful wounds -- but, here we are talking max 10 seconds of pain. When the probe passes a certain place in your tummy it hurts like hell. But like I said, the fellow we have prancing around as Commander in Chief is a wimp, a wuzz, a moral and physical coward.

But still, I find it rather irresponsible. It's one thing to have a popinjay nincompoop in charge of the keys and codes with which one can blow up the world, but to give them to Mr. Snarly himself is, well, irresponsible.

But, I have sworn off snark and snide and will now treat you with a small excerpt from the Book of the Holy Idaho, the scripture of the Peelers in the Third Galaxy.

It happened one day when the Holy Idaho and his followers were crossing a rugged terrain north of the Sea of Scrolls, it was late afternoon and none of the Twelve had thought to bring either drink or food. Their hunger and thirst was great.

One of the Twelve, the one whom the Idaho called Stonehead, because he was so dense, said, "O, Idaho, we know everything in heaven and earth obeys the command of your word! We beseech thee to do as thou didst do on the shores of the Sea of Scrolls when thou fed five thousand people with half a Twinkie Bar and a slice of stale pizza, in truth we recall we received an extra bill from the garbage collectors for all the leftovers the crowds did not eat, will you not do that trick again, for our hunger and thirst are great!"

The Idaho, smiled and shook his head sadly, "O, Stonehead, Stonehead! You worry too much about your belly! The blood in your veins and the breath in your lungs are more important than all the burgers and french fries you will in your life ever eat!"

"Truly, truly, I tell thee, Stonehead, you have heard from the lawyers and smart folks that there is no such thing as a free lunch -- and indeed this is so! However, I tell you that not only is there no free lunch, there is no free breakfast and no free supper. In fact, I doubt very much there is any free dessert!"

The Twelve were sore troubled to hear such words from the Idaho, for they dearly loved dessert.

But then, just as they crossed a hill top, they could see the silver arches of a McDiggles in the distance and they knew the Idaho had only been teasing them. They were soon scarfing down on "Happy Meals" which the Holy Idaho bought for them with his Dad's credit card.

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