Monday, June 26, 2006

Hotel Gitmo' Talking Blues

For reasons we’ll never know, the Three Stooges hung themselves in their rooms at Hotel Gitmo, where they had been engaged for three years. Some say that they were unhappy because of unpaid bills, others say it had something to do with the food – they were sick and tired of chicken breasts in lemon sauce every other day.

It’s a fact that Larry had a lawyer. But because of certain rules at the Hotel, he was never informed. Moe was scheduled to be sent to a different Hotel, but had not been informed of this, again because of Establishment Rules. Curly had no knowledge or contact with his film friends outside or that they were trying to contact him.

The Hotel Manager, Admirable Hayseed, told the press, just before he kicked all reporters out of the Hotel in order to, “Clear the air” that the suicides were a violent and vicious attack aimed at the Owners of the Gitmo’ Hotel chain.

Moe was found with a guitar clenched in his hands, so it seems almost certain that as they slowly died over seven or ten minutes, hanging from strips of bed sheets they had tied to the top of their cages rooms they sang, in a blatant take-off on "The Life of Brian", a song he and Larry had written just for the occasion, “Hotel Gitmo’ Talking Blues:

If you need a vacation but don’t know where to go,

why don’t you check out Hotel Git-Mo?

It’s got a reputation that kind of sucks, I know,

but it’s cheap and you can really get hosed

Just think of all the games you’ll get to play,

they’ll make sure you’ll really enjoy your stay.

When you first check in, they put a bag on your head,

and by next morning you’ll wish you were dead.

You’ll get to stand all day in the hot blazing sun,

while guards watch over ya with dogs and guns

You’ll really love the water sports,

let me tell ya ’bout ‘em, nice and short:

They put you on a board and strap you down,

then dip you in water till you think you’re gonna drown.

I hope you like music, ‘cause they play it kinna loud,

entertainment is what Git-Mo’s all about!

It’s not everywhere you get slapped around for free,

where no one outside even knows your misery.

If you don’t like the food, don’t worry bro’,

they’ll fill your tummy with a hose in your nose.

If you really dig this kind of fun,

we’ve got several hotels not just one.

Nobody knows where most of them are at,

’cause most of them are secret and not on the map.

You needn’t worry how you’re gonna get there,

we fly you for free in a shiny Gulfair

The hotel manager’s a real nice guy,

kind of roly poly with a dimple on his chin

When you hear his name I know you’re gonna grin,

they call him Dr. Thor Churrin...

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