Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Terrible Tuesday Speech

[It constantly amazes me how events in the Third Galaxy resemble those in our own, especially the struggle for power between the Republicratic and the Depublican Parties. However, "resemble" is not equivalent to "the same".
Therefore the comments made below by some fellow in response to Ronald Rexona's speech on the fifth anniversary of Terrible Tuesday should in no way be construed as a comment on the speech made yesterday by our dear Mr. Codpiece.
If anyone should conclude otherwise, they must assume responsibility for any future consequences, however draconian.]
There was no way to get around it. My host decided to listen to the speech, perhaps to experience a half-hour of television without interruptions for advertisements.

As a guest, to run screaming from the house was not an option.

I have to admit that it wasn't as hard to get through listening to the speech as I had thought. I closed my eyes and disassociated a bit like one does in a dentist chair and didn't allow myself to come with snide comments, not even sotto voce.

Amazingly, he got through the speech without stumbling over the hard words. I suppose this says something about the importance he and his handlers gave to this speech. I find that I have to agree with the talking head who afterwards opined that the first part of the speech was intended to be what his handlers consider to be Unifying the American People in Our Mission, while the second half was the kickoff to the plan to kick Demopublican butt the remaining eight weeks before the midterm elections.

The basic technique to unify us was to stress how we Americans show our Unique National Spirit by responding to an event like Terrible Tuesday with bravery and self-sacrifice. I have to agree -- other people, especially the French, would run screaming down the street or faint or dirty their pants or whatever -- but nobody except Americans would respond with bravery and patriotism!

The reference to mastermind Khalid Sheik Mohammed and his interrogation by the CIA was an excellent ploy! His speech writers should be given an extra candy bar for the hidden syllogism: Khalid was "interrogated" by the CIA, there have been no further attacks on the Homeland, therefore torture and secret prisons are justified.

I tried to count how many times "peace" was mentioned in the speech, but had to give up as I ran out of both fingers and toes. Being the sort of perverse person I am, I assume that this means he was promising war.

The key to this insight is the statement that we "...[too long have] promoted stability in the Middle East for the sake of peace" [quoted from memory]. The implication of course is that we will now embark on a course of instability to promote peace.

This also implies that peace means war and war means peace, which would confuse some people but not me and, as a patriot, I am all for it!

He promised peace for our children and the millions of people in the Middle East who want to live in freedom and tolerance and democracy. I'd have to be a terrible cynic to not take him at his word, therefore I believe that he really means to do something.

I've had my doubts about his sincerity before, but not any more!

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