The Party of Mr G

My unemployed angel from the Third Galaxy claims that this a parable told by Elmer Eggplant.

It seems to be about the religious hypocrisy and cynical abuse of the godbiz that was so common on that poor world.

Myself, I'd call it a Terrible Parable and don't see use in it for we who are futunate to live on this fair planet where hypocrisy and the cynical abuse of power is so seldom seen.

Whatever you might call it, it is a bit long, so I'll post it over two days.

His name was George -- George Guy, to be exact and he was rather well-off, stinking rich, actually.

George was the kind of guy who could make the likes of Donald Trump and Richard Murdoch look like street-corner beggars with two used pencils in a battered tin cup.

Generally, he wasn't known as George, or Mr. Guy -- rather, they called him "G", or, preferably, "Big G".

Whatever: his name and wealth aren't very important except to give you an idea of what was coming down when he decided to throw The Party to end all parties...
It's a bit misleading to call the event Big G planned, a "party". It wasn't a "party", but a super, out-of-sight, godzilla, in-your-face, completely extravagant never aint been nothing even near it in this or any neighborhood BASH!

When the invitations were sent, everybody who was invited replied of course they would come!

What else could they do?

Each and every one of the invitations was an individual work of art worth (in itself!) a year's wages of your average Joe Blow -- and I don't mean some fellah from a rinky-dink third world country, but a citizen from a place where people live who can drink water right our of the water faucet without risking a three-day bout of the turkey-trots...

If you haven't already guessed, the guests did not come to the Party by bus, taxi, bicycle, trolley-car or Segway.

Each and every guest was brought to the Party in an individually decorated and lavishly accessoried limousine. The vehicles were of a color hard to describe -- a sort of metallic mother-of-pearl, scintillating rainbow colors.

To be transported in them was to ride on a cloud surrounded by angels. I suppose the effect was created by the ambiance of the luxurious interior and not least by the state-of-the-art quadraphonic digital sound system...

When the guests entered at the domicile of their host they were greatly amazed!
It was as if the building was a collection of many castles and mansions rising higher and higher, reaching up to the heavens themselves. It was much like the effect of clouds in the evening sky, seemingly rising in endless tiers to eternity and beyond...

When they entered the gates, the guests found themselves, not in the place of the Party, but in an absolutely immense anteroom.

At the far end of the anteroom were large doors. The doors were so far away it was as if they were veiled by shifting mists. These doors were paneled with what seemed to be the rarest and finest exotic woods, into which were carved, with exquisite detail and consummate skill, figures and panoramas. If you gazed at them long enough, it was as if they seemed to almost come alive...

But who had time for Doors!

The entrance hall was decked out most sumptuously with all kinds of delicacies, treats and favors -- a joy to see and an utter flooding of the senses to behold, taste, touch, see or use.

There were amazing works of art, and devices for entertainment which reduced the most extravagant blockbuster film ever made to the level of a cheap, late-night flick where interruptions for "words from the sponsor" are a relief...

In short, there was no reason, no reason whatsoever that guests should or could bore themselves in any way or fashion while they waited for the Doors to open and the Party itself to begin.

And the guests would have to wait! They were told this even as they were ushered into the great entrance hall. The Party could not start before all guests had arrived and there were many guests. Their number was perhaps beyond numbering...

Sooo, the guests amused themselves and passed the time as well as they could -- and it was very well they could amuse themselves, for, if anything was lacking in their desire, it was as if they soon found it somewhere else in the great hall...

Time passed and, strangely, it seemed to pass rather quickly. Soon, the great hall seemed to become all the world to the guests and some of the guests began to act in strange ways...

It's not that they were directly impatient for the Party to begin. Rather, they began to entertain ideas as to why the Party had not started yet , or what conditions which had to be met or prophecies fulfilled before the Doors would open with a thunderclap and the Party would begin...

After a while, some guests began to say that there was no Party and that the Party was but a myth. Some said that the Great Hall was all the world and that the doors were an illusion -- they even said that "Big G" was a figment, a fantasy, a bit of folklore garbled by time...

On the other hand there were those who maintained that the Party was going to start when certain conditions were met and prophecies fulfilled. They were extremely, even excessively vocal and adamant in their claims...

They based their ideas on the authority of words scribbled on old bus tickets and crumpled paper napkins discovered in trash cans here and there.

Just what the exact conditions were, which the Big G required before the Party could begin, in this they were far from agreement. Actually, their arguments were more than vehement -- they were sometimes both violent and bloody. There was general concessus though, that that it was necessary for everyone to both renounce and avoid certain joys and pleasures to be found in the great hall.

"Only when we stop playing with these 'toys' will we have proved to Big G that we are 'ready-to-Party' and Big G will 'open the Doors'!"

There were many groups, sects, cults and splinter groups, each with an ever stranger doctrine. There were Mazers, Blazers, Waders, Wasters, Fasters, Casters, Blasters and Gazers. Such groups arose and, often as not, quickly disappeared. It would be tedious to mention the stories and practices peculiar to each group -- but I will say something of the "Gazers" as a typical example:

The Gazers taught that it was an error to believe the Doors would actually open in a real, physical sense!

Their practice was to sit so close in front of the Doors, that their noses almost touched the wood. They would just sit there and gaze at the figures (hence the name by which they were known).

They kept their gaze fastened upon the wooden carvings until they went cross-eyed and tears started to run down their cheeks. All the while, they chanted their holy mantra:

"ohwhutuhgooseeyeam"

[To be continued tomorrow...]