Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Tapes! What tapes?

Less than a year after Terrible Tuesday, when the mad minions of Ahsawyah been-Lately dropped twenty tons of bullshit from hijacked hot air balloons, thereby killing thousands of innocent civilians who asphyxiated in the terrible stench of male bovine excrement, Zoobiyah, a minor member of Ahsawyah's evil web of shadows, was captured.

The Codpiece was elated to hear the news and clapped his hands in joyful anticipation, "Has he given you any real good information yet?"

"Well no sir, he's a bit groggy from the medication -- he got a compound fracture of his leg and some other bumps and scrapes when our people detained him in Farawaystan..."

"Good, good, your boys tackled him good like they should, that ought to have put him in the mood to talk, you know these Mashers don't understand anything better than a good kick in the ass -- but what's this crap about 'medication'?"

"Painkillers, sir, with out them he starts screaming..."

"Well, if he don't talk he can try screaming for a while -- you understand my meaning?

"I think so, sir, the gloves come off -- that sort of thing?"

"Good, if you understand, you know what to do..."

And so, that was that was how they got Zoobiyah to spill the beans. True he was a small cog in the Al Qube machinery and something of a nut job as well, but nobody figured it was much use in saying anything to the Codpiece about that! In fact, it worked to their advantage that Zoobiyah was schizoid -- all three of his personalities broke down and confessed, giving their tormentors the kind of information they figured they wanted.

That the information's connection to reality was tenuous mattered little -- what mattered was hat they had information which could tie in Wudda-Wreck's Evil Dictator, Sadly Poosane not only to Weapons of Mass Immolation but also Terrible Tuesday, the price of gasoline and the rise of the incidence of acne among Arrogant teenagers!

To be on the safe side, the CIA interrogators took videos of Zoobiyah's interrogation. The Codpiece was pleased and asked for an edited version on DVD with what he called the "cool" parts, that is the segments with screaming.

Unfortunately, Arrogance was hardly what would call a hard core dictatorship at that time and judicial investigations led to a call for showing these recordings to the courts. Suddenly, it happened that the tapes were destroyed, by accident, sort of.

As they say, shit happens, but it doesn't have to hit the fan as long as the right people know when to retire and, more important keep their mouths shut.

No comments: