Friday, January 18, 2008

Continuing the Horse Races...

There are those who say that it is an affront to refer to the Holy Primary Elections in the Unified State of Arrogance as a series of horse races -- all we can say is, "What color is the rock have they been sleeping under?"

Indeed, a good sports writer could come up with a better script than the pundits have puked on their listeners up to now in the Quadrennial Horse Races. True, the sports writer will do his/her best to drum up interest for this or that team, but in their wildest [wet] dream no sports writer would think that her/his reporting could have any measure of influence on the result of a horse race or other sports event.

However, in the heat earlier this week in Midge-again, this is exactly the sort of bullshit we saw. Midge Gromney trounced Mad Kane -- but what can you expect in a district which many thought was named after Gromney?

More disgusting was the effluvia the media sprouted over the "win" Pillory Flintstone had in Midge-again. Because of a flap in the national party headquarters of the Dumbrats, the delegates from Midge-again (and Floriduh) will not be allowed to participate in the great "Hoorah!" at the Hoorah-vention next summer.-- therefore, the only hopeful on the Dumbrat ballot was Pillory Flintstone. Even with the advantage of such an outrageous handicap, Pillory got only 55% of the votes -- this is a "victory"?

But now we move on to South Caroline. The heat here will only be between the Repugnant hopefuls -- the Dumbrat balloting will be next weekend.

Horni Fug'n'flee is hoping for a win here -- this is the last ballot where independents can vote and if Mad Kane does not win, or at the very least come in a close second, his chances of favor from the Big Money Boyz will surely fade.

Oddly enough, but hardly by chance, it was in South Caroline that Mad Kane was screwed eight years ago. His opponent tarred him with a smear that he had fathered a "black love child" -- the "fact" was that he and his wife had adopted an orphan who happened to have a darker complexion than normal in the dominant ethnic group in the Unified State of Arrogance. But such is the way of smear -- just the talk of shit makes a person smell bad!

This time, the smear is more subtle.

People who have no provable connection to the Fug'n'flee campaign are putting out what is called a "push poll". A "push poll" is a refinement of the old trick question, "When did you stop beating your wife?" In this case, people are called up and asked, "Would you vote for Mad Kane if you knew that: he eats his boogers; drowns kittens in his bathtub; uses cow dung as an underarm deodorant..."

On the other hand, some of the things that Fug'n'flee himself says would be prime stuff for a "push poll":
"I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Ground Law...But I believe it's a lot easier to change the Ground Law than it would be to change the word of the living Potato. And that's what we need to do...amend the Ground Lawso it's in the Potato's standards rather than try to change the Potato's standards so it lines up with some contemporary view."

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