Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Quadrennial Horse Races, Second Heat

The second heat in the Quadrennial Horse Races where one hopeful from the Dumbrat and Repugnant party will eventually be selected to run for Prez later this year started not long ago...

As you know, in the first heat Bulimo Charismo stomped Pillory Flintstone while Hug Fug'n'flee blew all the other Repugnants out of the water.

The media pundit bobble heads have been desperately trying to figure out where they went wrong in all their predictions as well as somehow spin a message that they really weren't all that wrong -- just premature...

In the meantime, the message is being prepared and honed to bring Bulimo down if he is so uppity as to actually win the Dumbrat nomination -- but first, they have to get Pillory out of the running. In an ordinary horse race, commentators cannot influence the outcome -- they can only gin up the excitement. Not so in the Quadrennial Horse Races!

In earlier horse races, hopefuls have been laughed out of their race for office for strange "missteps". Because they "screamed into the microphone" after the first heat, or because their suits were "earth toned", or because their patriotism was suspect because they had only lost two legs and an arm in the "War to Save the World from the Dominoes".

But hardly anything can compare to the way in which Pillory Flintstone has been trashed by the bobble heads. If she is calm, she is "rigid!"; if she giggles or gets angry, she is "hysterical!"; if she wears a dress, the question is "did she show too much feminine cleavage?"; if she wears a suit with pants, "what message is she trying to send?"

Conventional Wisdom, i.e., the babble of media pundits, says that if Pillory loses to Bulimo in today's heat in New Hamhock, she will have "lost too much momentum". On the one hand, I think we should forget all the hype and wait and see how the votes are cast. On the other hand, these two races are taking place in two of the smallest districts in the Unified State of Arrogance which, all told, total less than 5% of the total population.

If Pillory's attempt to win the Brass Ring does fail, you will see the Repugnant Smear and Echo Machines go into high gear and we will be treated to a most disgusting orgy of mudslinging, innuendo, lies and whisper campaigns aimed at Bulimo Charismo.

True, we should have said more about the Repugnant hopefuls -- the questions being, will Mad Kane outrun Midge Gromny, or will Midge's deep wallet save the day for him. On the other hand, Hug Fug'n'flee, who cannot be expected to do well in New Hamhock, will, on the other hand, have a better chance in Southern Charlene, where there are oodles of Peelers committed to removing the paragraphs in the Ground Law which separate religion and government. Their deepest wish is that the Unified State of Arrogance be ruled by the Book of the Holy Idaho and not silly "man-made" laws. For, as the Peelers say, people are too stoopid to govern themselves without the guidance of the Great Potato.

It may well end with the Peelers proving they are correct, sort of...

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