Tuesday, August 29, 2006

What's Obscene?

´[A brief ramble from some guy in the Third Galaxy – it’s amazing how screwed up they were! It is fortunate we are more rational on our world]

People got different ideas about what is obscene.

Back in Poosah City, where I grew up, they got their underwear all tied in up in knots because of an “accident” that once happened during the half-time entertainment at this big football game. They were dancing and singing and the cup fell off the lady’s bra exposing [O, My God!] her breast! The horror was double bad compounded by the fact that there was no pasty on her nipple!

It was an outrage!

Arrogant citizens were incensed over the fact that hundreds if not thousands of young children were psychologically maimed for life by having seen a dark areola in the middle of a chocolate colored breast.

The thought of imagining the perversions which those poor children would engage in later in life caused the heads of several citizens to literally explode!

On the other hand, perhaps it’s me who’s out to lunch here! Human babies have been suckled on nipples for at least 6000 years and I have to admit the human race seems to be a rather perverted species of minimal collective intelligence. Maybe this is the reason!

Yes! That’s it! It is common knowledge that breast feeding pretty much went out of style in the Blighted State of Arrogance during the 20th century and as everybody knows, Arrogance is the most peace loving country in the world! There must be a connection!

Yes! That’s it! Why else would we promote world peace by invading only when we are forced to or imagine that some day someone might attack us! Why else would we spend a trillion dollars to build up a nuclear arsenal, with delivery systems to match, that could destroy the world a hundred times over? Why else would we spend more on developing the most really super ways to kill people both quickly and slowly than all the rest of the world combined?

Why else, if not because we are the most peace-loving country in the world and what can be the explanation for that but the fact that, for the last few generations, most of our citizens, as babes, never suckled at a woman’s breast!

You make think I’m nuts and maybe I am! But still, I think there ought to be a law that women should have to wear pasties on their nipples, just in case of accidental exposure. Hell, maybe men ought to be made to wear them also, at least fat, old men like me!

Uh, excuse me, folks, just a moment while I get my tongue straightened out, it seems it got stuck in my cheek!


Ah, that’s better!


Lurch said...

Let's never forget that Republicans, and "christians" who just don't get much, always get outraged about sex, or about the idea of someone else getting some, and actually enjoying it. (See Clinton , Wm J, office, getting it on [or off, as your vocabulary might prefer.])

In fact, up until the news about Mr Clinton's "blowjob" Republicans and "christians" hads always lived under the illusion that it was just some kind of arcane urban legend, like the disappearing hitchiker, or the kids getting out of the car after an evening on lover's lane finding a bloody hook entangled in the door handle.

Imagine their shock to learn that some people do not consider the naughty bits "dirty" - or even bad-tasting, come to that. (The latter Republican and "christian" misperception has much to do with loose bladder sphincters and fear of dark skinned people, and ignorance about hygiene and hot soapy water, both of which are most likely unknown to them.)

Chuck Cliff said...

No, Lurch, I've given something of what resembles thought to it and I stick by my conclusion: it is imperative for the safety of our country and to ensure that our children grow up to be decent ignoramuses that not only television but the entire country be declared a no-tit zone.

On second thought, make that a no-skin zone.

Hell, I even got a slogan:

No skin, no sin!