Living with the War Pig...

Sadly, and with heavy heart I find I must, once more, return to that fateful time in the Third Galaxy which brought about the ascendency of an ignorant popinjay who, when he became the Supreme Hole of Arrogance, ignited the fires which led to Endless Total war.

Had not the Alien Veggies so graciously deigned to intervene, that poor world would have been turned into a lifeless slag heap.

However, a "happy ending" does not erase the pain, despair, desperation, torture and agonized death billions of beings in the Third Galaxy endured in those Terrible Times!

I say "sadly", because, when my unemployed angel, Ishman, was sent upon a secret mission to "somewhere", I was granted direct access to the 21st Edition of the Absolute Truth, including 2nd and 3rd level footnotes. I now find that Ishman was not only not bullshitting me about the Third Galaxy -- as I a few times unkindly implied -- it was being somewhat gentle, sugar coating some of the worst crapola being visited upon in that poor world!

As we know, the reign of that silly codpiece, Ronald Rexona, was, although incompetent, at least uneventful until that Terrible Tuesday when the minions of Ahsawyah been-Lately made their dastardly attack and nearly three thousand died a horrible death drowning in twenty thousand tons of bullshit cast from hijacked hot-air terror-ballons.

It is obvious from footnotes to the Absolute Truth that someone knew about the impending attack...

Since Ronald Rexona apparently rarely knew even his ass from a hole in the ground, the consensus is that it was his Evil Companion, Mr. "Big" Dick Snarly. Did he plan or only "allow" Terrible Tuesday to happen? If the truth is to be found it must be buried in even lower level footnotes than those to which I have access. It is certain that it was he who instigated the order for interceptor planes to stand down -- the very planes which could have stopped at least three of been-Lately's hot-air terror-balloons!

Be all that as it may, what happened later was so anti-intuitive that the idea of bringing the world together in, well not exactly universal brother- and sister-hood, but at least something laid back enough to where one could call it "peace", which was the obvious thing to do, didn't even get in the letter box.

Instead, this is what the Rexona government did:

First, they attacked Farawaystan, where been-Lately had his base. Few, if any, had a problem with that. The Bullyboys, who controlled Farawaystan, were unpopular with almost everyone in the world except themselves and it was, militarily, a piece of cake to depose them.

Afterwards, Rexona went on television and swore to the people of Farawaystan, "We will not forget you!".

The people in Farawaystan rejoiced! Men shaved off the beards the Bullyboys, who, in their misunderstanding of the Masher's teachings, forced all men to grow and women shed the tent-like garments which they had been forced to wear whenever in public. There was music and singing in the streets!

Then Rexona did everything he could to not capture the terraist, been-Lately. Money promised to rebuild the infrastructures destroyed in deposing the Bullyboys never came. The military needed to stabilize the country were never sent.

The result was that the Bullyboys came back, taking over the countryside. The warlords who had been hired to help depose the Bullyboys made friends with the Bullyboys and returned to their occupation of choice -- overseeing the growing of opium poppies...

Instead of doing what the most incompetent person could see what needed to be done, that is assuming one had a minimum of integrity, Rexona next invaded Wuta-reck. A number of reasons were given for this invasion: weapons of mass destruction; collusion with been-Lately -- none of which had any basis in reality whatsoever! The result was that, on the one hand, the Bullyboys regained power in Farawaystan and, on the other hand, Wuta-reck really turned into a real wreck.
The country's infrastructure became nonexistent -- there was no electricity and the common people were reduced to drinking sewage in place of clean water which the evil dictator at least had been able to provide. O yes, as a side note, we must mention that over a million citizens of Wuta-reck died as a direct result of the illegal invasion and decade long occupation.

Unbelievably, the Bankers of Illusion continued to repeat the bleating of the Rexona government that deposing the Terrible Dictator of Wuta-reck had made, in some magical way, the world a better place!

Knowing this things, it can perhaps be comprehended -- although not necessarily understood -- how it was that, when Monstrous Monday happened despite the billions spent on "homeland security", Rexona ascended to ultimate power as Supreme Hole of Arrogance.

Finding himself upon the Great White Throne, he rubbed his hands in glee and ordered the bombing of the Evil Land of Urin, which was attempting to acquire the evil nuclear bomb.

This, otherwise unprovoked attack, was the beginning of the Endless Ultimate Wars which would have destroyed the Third Galaxy, had not the Alien Veggies intervened.