Monday, September 24, 2007

A Brackwater Security Incident

The scene: a plush office in the Dream Zone which is located in Bodybag, the capital of Wudda-Wrek. This is the only place where an free, Arrogant citizen can walk freely about and, for example, enjoy a McBarf burger without fear of a bullet or a piece of shrapnel flying through his lightly salted freedom-fries.

An aide rushes in:

We've got a problem, sir - it's Brackwater!

O boy, what have the cowboys done this time?

A Brackwater contingent forgot that the safeties were off on their firearms when they were on escort duty...

The problem?

Well, sir, one of them sort of pointed his weapon in fun and, accidentally pulled the trigger.

Holy Idaho! They didn't shoot any of the people they were escorting, did they?

No sir, he was just "funning" some kids and their parents and when the one weapon went off the others joined in and they couldn't stop. They sprayed every thing that moved and some things that had stopped moving. When their magazines were empty, there really was much they could do except put in new clips so they could defend themselves and the people they were escorting...
O well, shit happens -- any casualties?

About 20 dead and a lot of wounded.

What? That would have wiped out a Brackwater contingent and then some! I thought you said that none of the diplomats had been harmed!

Civilians, sir, civilians.

You know we don't do body-counts! Get to the point, what is the problem?

The government has revoked Brackwater's license to operate in Wudda-Wrek! They are going to be kicked out of the country!

The government? They wouldn't do that!

Yessir, I heard Prime Minister Malarkey on the television myself!

Malarkey? He's only prime minister as long as we prop him up! I thought you meant the government! Hell, Brackwater hasn't had a license for the past year. and a half, so they can't revoke what they don't have. I still don't see the problem, nothing that we can't iron out again -- you do a press release, explain that they were attacked by Al Qube agents with weapons they had from Uran --

But sir, that is the problem, Malarkey has a video -- you can see how they just started shooting things up.

O. That's not so good...but, it really doesn't matter -- you just explain to the press that Al Qube was using weapons with silencers, or something -- and remember, they got them from Uran! Still, that video is a problem -- we'll just have to get the Secretary of State make apologies to Malarkey -- hmmn, she won't like it much, I'm sure, but she'll just have to bite the bullet -- we can't have Rexona getting his dander up! Brackwater is a big deep-pockets campaign donor, you know!

Sounds good, sir, but what about Brackwater? Malarkey says they must leave the Wudda-Wrek.

O, I'll take care of that, I'll just explain to him that if Brackwater was to leave the country, it would cause security in Bodybag to deteriorate.


Yes, deteriorate -- how could diplomats and congress people visit Bodybag, go to the bazaars and see how much the situation has improved since the Decider set his Great Plan in motion last year if they don't have people from Brackwater make sure nobody takes a potshot at them?

Right, sir!

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